porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
