and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
