cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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