Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
