on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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