He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
