I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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