I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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