Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
