Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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