Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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