You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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