I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
