hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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