apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
