He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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