she was so not down for the gang bang
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
