I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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