Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What changed your mind?
Being sober
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
