Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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