I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
