You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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