Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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