Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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