At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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