I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
