Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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