Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
