Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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