Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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