what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
