I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
