when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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