oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
