I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
