I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
