I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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