I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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