the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Randomize
