everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well you can't waste a boner
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
