let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
