Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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