I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm always down for nudity.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
