i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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