yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
