listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
