You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please come you make the beer taste better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
