i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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