I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize