you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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