I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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