I like to think it a success when the cops are called
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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