Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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