I'm passing your future prison.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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