I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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