Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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