Michael Bay diarrhea
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
