wat bout pragnant strippers??
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
