Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize