I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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