I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
