i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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