Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
