Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
