he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
