Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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