so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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