forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
