my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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