You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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