Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize