Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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