I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
