PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
