the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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