I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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