Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
