My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
