I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
