So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
