if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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